If you find yourself in this place, instead of judging yourself, recognize where you are at and have self compassion. While their choices are extremely hurtful, healing comes through the individual’s own personal work. Previously, she helped to develop and run the Substance Abuse and Intimacy Disorder Program at Promises Malibu – a comprehensive multi-focused addiction treatment program that was the first of its kind in the world. It takes time, often a year and sometimes more to get through the acute phases. It’s time to start trusting your gut again, and it begins with body awareness. Anger is a secondary emotion, showing up to protect other more sensitive feelings beneath it. What is it? While learning to create a safe place for yourself to heal is important, the key here is to check for obsessiveness. Good for you! Many women falsely believe that if their husband’s would just do [fill in the blank] that they would feel so much better. While denial tends to have a negative connotation, it is part of the healing process. Here are ten ways betrayal trauma manifests: In my next post, I will discuss ways to embark upon the healing process. Meditation – learning to not judge yourself for the anger and sitting back and mindfully be aware of the anger. But what many don’t realize is that the honest words you use now and the words you used to convince her you were honest when you weren’t are exactly the same. They tend to isolate, which just makes the trauma worse. There are also physical symptoms — a racing heart or sweating. Some women express that it shakes the very foundation of trust for everyone and everything. My world has shattered. This causes a boost of adrenaline making senses sharper, your blood pressure rises, your heart beats faster and you are more ready to take action. Many women culturally have been taught to repress their anger, only be kind, and to suppress any negative feelings or outbursts. Find someone safe to talk to who will listen without judgement. Deep breathing activities. Bargaining is obvious when you lose a loved one. However, healing is possible. Practice turning your anger over to a higher power. It can be damaging to relationships and can cause depression and overwhelming anxiety. Another part of premature optimism could be instant forgiveness for the other’s actions. But if we get stuck in the anger and blaming stage of the healing process, we’re less likely to heal our betrayal wound. We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time.”. The betrayal is unreal. Life with an addict can ruin your confidence in your judgment. You get frustrated at yourself for your lack of awareness of the issue or seeing what was going on. Depression is usually the stage we are most eager to work through. But I will promise you, that if you do the work, you can heal. And often the greater the shock and surprise, the harder it is to grasp the reality of what has occurred: that your partner has shattered your trust and broken their promises. Some communities even offer rage rooms (check groupon) where you can go break things! Yet despite this, you move forward, taking your power back and reclaiming your life. Another common symptom of betrayal trauma is hyper-vigilance. How do I tell my kids? You might remember walking in on your partner acting out and you feel tremendous rage, disgust, and shame. I gave up my iPad and MacBook and no longer have access to them.